So I’m sick, but it’s no big deal. I have swollen glands and I’m fatigued, but this happens to me from time-to-time. My immune system hasn’t been the same since I got mononucleosis years ago. Epstein Barr virus is responsible for mono, and once you have that in your system, it’s always there. Mine is usually dormant, but for now, it isn’t. So here I am, barely strong enough to sit up and type, but stubbornly refusing not to.
I’m sure I’m dealing with this because I’ve been doing too much, but ironically, I’m currently not doing anywhere as much as I did months ago. Perhaps the past year with all of its trials and stresses finally caught up with me.
Needless to say, this will not be a long post. All I’ve done is sleep for the last few days and I will be doing that as soon as I finish writing this.
I mentioned to some of my friends how it is ironic that I’m sick now when mom is doing better, but never even had a sniffle when she was ill and needed me to be strong and healthy for her. One of them explained that it happens that way sometimes. Perhaps there’s a special measure of resilience that kicks in at times like that. Who knows? I certainly wasn’t as aware of my own strength until I went through this, and I’m pretty sure mom feels the same way herself. The truth is there is no way of knowing how you’ll get through something as life altering as cancer until you’re there.
Of course, now we’re here and mom has crossed the invisible threshold from cancer patient to cancer survivor and me, I have no idea when I’ll stop thinking of myself as a caregiver, but I’ll be sure to let you know.
Anyway, since I’ve been sick mom has been taking care of me. The tables have definitely turned and it feels nice. Mom is so proud that she’s now strong enough to care for me. I can see it as she walks away (with her walker!) to make me some tea or a meal. Months ago she wouldn’t have been able to do that even if she’d wanted to, now she has completely taken over running things and I feel so proud of her and also happy for me, because I know my efforts have made this possible.
So yeah, I’m sick, but I’ll be OK. I have a great caregiver, the best one in the world as a matter of fact.