I’m Just Exhausted….

time_of_miracles_by_sergusoid

A few years ago, I wrote a poem called, “Click” where I paraphrased current events with the “click” of a TV screen remote throughout.

These are the first lines,

Watching the world on CNN. Switching to MTV. The sameness of nothing. The nothing of sameness. Comfort food all. Smoke machines. Bruised. Bloodied. Commercials come. I go. Click. Suicide bombers sing. Unaccompanied. Victims hush. One for every day of the week. Big sale at Sears every Saturday. Ratings. Sweeps. Prepare to die. Black eyes stare at me as I stare back. Innocent. Gone with the wind. Your fault for being so trusting of Father So-And-So. Click.”

 I thought it was appropriate to use this same format to discuss what I’ve been going through since my last blog post.

So here goes;

I got the results for my mini-surgeries and I don’t have cancer CLICK Mom was admitted to the hospital for a possible heart attack CLICK I feel my life is never going to be anything but constant turmoil until I die CLICK Once again, my friends are there for me in ways that are beyond anything I could ever hope for CLICK It wasn’t a heart attack, but a really low blood sugar CLICK She’s doing great now, but I’m still wondering when things will slow down CLICK My desktop is still in the shop after six weeks CLICK My book is due in six weeks CLICK I was asked to submit a poem for a cancer book, this is due in December CLICK I could care less about working or doing anything at all right now CLICK Life goes on CLICK Mom and I are fine and I’m still trying to find my equilibrium CLICK In spite of it all, I found time to laugh, but mainly I’m just exhausted.

Image by Sergey Smirnov

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This entry was posted in Caregiving, Coping, exhaustion, Friends, hope, Mom, Survival, wisdom and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to I’m Just Exhausted….

  1. KjM says:

    *Pause*

    Or, if a pause button is not easily available, perhaps a s-l-o-w-m-o mode. “Not available on all life models, please see your local showroom for details, taxes and surcharges may apply.”

    Don’t they (the taxes and surcharges) always apply? And can be draining. Good to read you found time, and opportunity, to laugh. I’ve long held that my sense of the absurd is one of the main things that’s enabled me to get this far. What’s the phrase? “Life is too important to be taken seriously.” Thank you, Oscar Wilde.

    But, it’s not always easy. Really glad to read you don’t have cancer, and your mother didn’t have a heart attack. But contestant strain – is a constant strain. (I almost rhymed “strain” with “drain” – but I’d prefer you laughing, not groaning.)

    Judy Clement Wall at zebra sounds.net once declared that some of my comments were like free-falling through my mind. Seems you just got “treated” to some of the same here.

    • Blackbirdsong says:

      Kevin,

      I always love your comments. “Free-falling” is a perfect description and you’re right about that “pause” button. I think this comment just gave me an idea for a new post.

      Thank you as always, dear friend.

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