Try, Try Again

I have good news to report; mom is still using her walker. No, it’s not big news or even important news to many but me, but it’s something and definitely better than the alternative of me coming here and writing yet another post about her falling down.

The thing is, after dealing with so much this year, I have learned to celebrate the little blessings that come my way. Every day of our lives we are blessed, yet it’s so easy to get caught up in dealing with all the things that we, as human beings must face. Life is hard and dealing with cancer is nothing less than hellish, but there are other upsetting things many people face every day that are just as upsetting.

Looking back on this past year and all that mom and I have been through really makes me wonder. First, I wonder how we got through it and then I wonder how we got through it with any kind of sanity.

Part of the answer rests on being spiritual people, my wonderful and supportive friends and the other rests on our mental attitude. All three of these elements have played essential roles in not only helping mom and I, but also sustaining us.

Recently I had a friend say to me that to them, it appeared that lately my life was nothing but a series of trials and they hoped I would eventually get past them. I understood what they meant, but perhaps because I’m me and known to see things differently than most, I didn’t thank them for saying this. Instead, I said that life in general is a series of trials and tests. We all go through things, we learn life lessons and then go to the next series of trials, tests and life lessons. It’s an ongoing process. Now granted losing my dad and mom having cancer have been tough experiences to go through, just the same I feel like I’ve definitely become a person because of the lessons I’ve learned.

Now clearly I would never have chosen to go through any of this. It would be great if various life events didn’t or couldn’t occur without our permission, but that just isn’t the way it is. Just the same, I don’t feel that anything I’ve been through is any more important or big than all the millions of things others are going through right now.

The truth is, we’re all going through some thing. Some are facing financial crisis, others have lost a spouse or a child, while others are going through wars or dealing with failing health or old age. Then there’s that old favorite “stress.” We’re all dealing with that one in one way or another. I think one of the main things that’s helped me, aside from my friends and my relationship with God, has been the fact that even though I was clearly going through a trial, I didn’t view it as one. I see that’s what it was now, but at the time, I was just doing whatever I could to help mom. We were in survival mode. The cancer and the need to help her get through it took over everything. There was no time to think about what was going on. We were in the trenches with bullets flying over our heads.

Now, we’ve begun the process of settling back into our lives and learning what it’s like not to have cancer as the main focus of everything and that has been an adventure in and of itself.

It’s too easy to lose sight of all the miracles we are blessed with everyday, but they are there even and especially during difficult times. Everything feels deeper now. The friendships I had before beginning this cancer journey with mom, have become deeper and more meaningful. My relationship with God has become stronger and I am stronger. I have grown into myself through this year and found that I do indeed have what it takes to step up to the plate and handle things. I’ve had weak moments of course. I’m not Superman, but there is something to be said about being tested to this degree and finding out that you are indeed both capable and strong.

One of the best lessons that cancer has brought to me, is the realization seemingly little or unimportant things are indeed great and that during my most difficult trials those little things are the things I’ve clung to and drawn our strength from.

As I continue to mourn the loss of my father, the memories that have risen to the surface haven’t been so much about the trials of that relationship, as much as the times when he and I had normal little father/daughter moments where we shared a story or a meal. He had unending patience when it came to trying to teach me how to tie my shoes. He even found a little poem called, “Try, Try Again,” that he would recite to me as I repeatedly tried and failed to master this simple task. The head injury I’d suffered as a child made it all but impossible then and it wasn’t until years later that I learned the reason. Dad never knew, we never talked about it. That along with a number of other things, were never discussed between us. Yet, now I remember his loving patience with me. I don’t know if it sprung from guilt or not, but really it doesn’t matter. He loved me enough to try. “Try, Try, Again.” And eventually yes, I did learn to tie my shoes.

So yeah, mom has used her walker everyday this week and I feel blessed that hopefully, finally she’s got the message that for right now she needs it, but if she forgets again and has another fall, we will try, try again and continue to do from trial to trial, test to test and lesson and lesson.

Cancer is a journey like life is a journey, and we can all make it if remember that we are strong and we are blessed and as long as we are here, we have the opportunity to try, try again.

This entry was posted in Abuse, breast cancer, Cancer, Caregiving, Coping, Death, Friends, Mom, Survival and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Try, Try Again

  1. Carol says:

    That is a good lesson for all of us to keep trying even if we think that we can not possible do any more. I feel that way about the snow in my driveway—I keep trying to shovel it away, even though my piles of snow are over 4 ft high now–but it keeps coming and coming. Will it never end? What does that have to do with cancer? nothing
    But the tests we face every day are sometimes small, like how do we pay an unexpected bill, how do we get the car fixed, the flat tire, the flat spare, the dead battery, ect, ect, ect. Every day we deal with health problems, financial problems, job stresses, family problems,ect. But we have to keep trying and keep doing and finding a way to cope. You have done that and I am proud of you. You havn’t given up even under the most extreme stress, you keep getting up every day and you keep trying.

    • Blackbirdsong says:

      Thank you for the comment Carol, and exactly. It doesn’t have to be the big things that weigh you down. Those “little” things can do just as much damage, because really, it’s not like our problems come at us one-by-one, but they come in bunches and it’s not like those “little” things go away when you’re dealing with the “big” ones.

  2. jinxieg13 says:

    “…there is something to be said about being tested to this degree and finding out that you are indeed both capable and strong.”

    You know my trials these past two years and why this statement stands out.

    Mainly, I’m here to tell you that I do read these when they hit my email. I just don’t always get a chance to comment.

    So…when’s the book coming out? 🙂

    • Blackbirdsong says:

      Thank you for the comment hon, and yes I know you’ve been tested as well. But we’re tough chicks and we’ll make it somehow. As far as the book, I’m hoping to have it out for next year’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. I’ve spoken to a couple of publishers and there’s a grant I need to apply for that would help with the funding.

  3. Wonderful writing Blackbirdsong and inspirational! My mum died a couple of months ago of cancer and you just have to deal with each thing that comes up, as best you can. But this post reminded me more of when my son was first diagnosed with autism and it was indeed like ‘We were in the trenches with bullets flying over our heads.’ The situation is much improved now and everything has settled down into a manageable chaos – haha. I am amazed how we all got through that time but it does make you stronger and as you say, everyone has problems of one sort or another.

    • Blackbirdsong says:

      Gabrielle, I’m so sorry that you lost your mom. Well then you certainly know what it is like to go on a cancer journey. It is funny how you don’t realize you’re in the trenches until you’ve crawled out of them.

      Sending good thoughts to you. Of course it’s summer in Australia right now. Lucky you.

  4. James K. Blaylock says:

    Rach I’m so glad to hear that your mom is sticking to the usage of her walker. That is by far the best thing she can do for herself at this moment in time. Then she can focus on getting stronger. That indeed in itself a blessing.

    I guess we all learn just how much we can handle when we’re thrown into the gears of the machine. We’ll either crash or rise up and crush all that hinders us! Either way we’ll know just what we’re truly made of. I’m so glad you’re both on the kick-butt team!

    Yes, I think we all get so hung up on the ‘why mes’ instead of seeing the bigger picture. The world is full of hurting and sad people, and we’re so lucky to be in the USA. True there are problems wherever you choose to dwell, but at least we have food, water and a roof over our heads. Some people shall never know these simple joys.

    Really we should count our blessing to have the people we love in our evryday lives. That is such a wonderful thing, and a huge blessing to boot. Smile and enjoy the peaceful moments.


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